Right now I feel a little bit like one of these lost items. Since March I’ve been away from Edinburgh for more than 43 days and now I’ve returned and want to settle and reconnect with friends and eat lots of salads. What is it about travel that makes me crave a good salad? It’s all been wonderful and I am so grateful for the opportunity to travel, see the world, spend time with loved ones and now I can just be at home. Yet this will only be home for a couple more months, our social scene is rapidly changing and I want to make the most of our last months in a place that has come to mean so much.
A few weeks ago we hosted the last New College barbecue in our garden and a friend brought a bottle of champagne because he felt it was appropriate to raise a toast to all the good things that have happened to people present. And it was a great moment of celebration – toasting a pregnancy, news of an adoption, the securing of a teaching job, a move to Europe. This was good stuff and I loved looking around at all these faces of people who have played a role in my life here over the past four years. It was also bittersweet to know that all of these very good things were also harbingers of change. People are leaving, families are growing, futures are being shaped and it’s all wonderful…and makes me feel a little off-kilter. I can usually deal with change pretty well, but I also haven’t lived anywhere this long since high school.
And so while I think with great anticipation about a year of learning a language, exploring a gorgeous city, learning how to deal with notorious inefficiency, and weigh that against leaving people I love and places familiar, I’m allowing myself to feel a little bit lost because being lost can be good. It opens up possibilities to learn new things, discover new corners of my heart and mind, and in the end, feel more settled.